The Matrix

I thought that I would faithfully write about the journey in raising my son. The more I wrote, the more solid I became in my convictions to organize this brain that wasn't mine, to train into it some alien pliable form that was not going to stay on track anyway, and otherwise teach what seemed unteachable. Daily writing brought too much verbal thinking into my own visually-oriented mind to allow me to grasp the world in which my son immersed himself. And so...I embraced my own scattered nature, my own visual and spatial world, and became a part of his world. We were much happier -not that the road was smooth- when I invited my son into our world, slowly enticing him into space, a tentative shared space, between his universe and ours. I hope to share insights from the past, present, and future as I continue to ease the transition of this young man into an adult world. The only proven method I use is ages old -- I honor who he is and help him find people and places who do the same... square pegs fit nicely into soft putty that molds around them...and the push into plasticity is gentle.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

The Lexicon #1

We share more through what we write than ever before, son and I. Love Google
Docs...what a blessing for us...and I love the snippets of poetry and prose in
the files he shares with me.

I am also happy that he doesn't feel that he needs to share it all. Whew...not sure I want to know, you know.When I checked mail this morning, I discovered three new journal entries that he 'shared' with me.

How 'austistic' of him - no kidding.

For himself, he writes, "The sharing a file is not the same as sharing myself. I feel no sense, no element, of invasion, nor of responsibility."

As I said...

And so, at times like these, despite the huge strides and successes, I realize how very much he belongs to his own world. I am okay with that, and today, tickled to death. For as much as he is
in his own little world, he strokes mine with a different kind of awareness, like a partition of a hard drive.... He is gone on a camping/rafting trip, but cannot let mom be forgotten, or is it that he wishes to not be forgotten... May 2009

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